In triage I was supported by a midwife who was trying to distract me with conversation while trying to find the babies heartbeat on the monitor. I was so aware of the silence while she kept moving the doppler to try and find a heart beat. I knew in that moment it was too late and went into a full panic. A doctor was called in to perform an ultrasound which confirmed that our baby had died, they no longer had a heartbeat just two days before their due date. Alone with a midwife I had never met before I had to try and get my mother to my house as quickly as possible to relieve my husband so he could come to the hospital, without causing a panic or cause for concern. My husband arrived and I had to give him the devastating news that our baby had died. We broke, in that moment we felt nothing but complete devastation and heartbreak. We were taken to the birthing centre where the next few hours were a blur, different health professional came and went, explaining what our options were for inducing labour and my pain relief options. That night we started the induction process and were supported by two amazing midwives who treated us with such compassion and empathy during their night shift. In the morning we were handed over to another amazing midwife who helped us deliver our baby. On 11th June at 10:19am our beautiful baby boy William was born to Send me on my way- Rusted Roots. Our midwife captured those precious first moments taking photo’s on our phones while we took in the raw reality of what had happened. After some time had passed and the midwives were happy that I was recovering well from the birth we were given time to be by ourselves. We washed and dressed our baby boy and took photos of every little detail, all while talking about how much he looked like his big sister. My husband was tasked with the incredibly difficult task of letting our families know what had happened. Once we had spent some time on our own with William we let those closest to us know he had arrived and they were able to come and visit us in the hospital if they wanted to get the opportunity to meet him.

Family and close friends came to meet William and share this difficult time with us. Having people outside our immediate family meet William has helped us keep his memory alive and make our experience easier to talk about. During our stay we were incredibly lucky to have William photographed by a Remember My Baby volunteer, who took the most amazing quality and quantity of photos for us. We also received a memory box supplied by 4Louis Charity and hygiene essential packs from The Mitchell foundation. In our memory box William’s hand and foot impressions were made using an air dry clay. Unfortunately the quality of the impressions were not great despite the midwives best efforts. It dawned on me in that moment that we had a 3d casting kit in the house that we could use to make replica’s of his hands and feet. Once the kit had been brought to the hospital for us we took 3 sets of casts of one hand and footing hindsight I wish we did both hands and both feet. Despite never doing this before the process went smoothly and without any major issues. Our wonderful midwifes took photos of us doing the casts and took time to share this experience with us. Once we finished taking each mould we waited until we got home to fill them with the plaster that came in the kit.

After spending three days with our beautiful boy we knew it was time to go home and be reunited with our daughter. There was no pressure placed on us to leave and were reassured that we could come back and visit him in the mortuary at any time before the funeral home collected him. We knew from how much his skin had changed in that time frame that it was the best time to say our goodbyes. We opted for a blessing to take place in our room with the 3 amazing midwives who supported us during our stay.

In the days after coming home we completed the rest of the casting process by filling the moulds we had made in the hospital. The final result amazed us, the intricate details of each each finger and toe captured for us to cherish forever. I knew that having these replica’s of his hand and foot was going to make such a difference in my grieving process and wanted to try to help other families going through baby loss have the same opportunities. I set up a fundraising page to raise money to buy casting kits for the hospital so other families could make casts whilst staying with their babies. Within 48 hours we raised an astonishing £7850 and received an outpour of love from hundreds of people we had never met. Over the following 6 months working with our bereavement midwife and the bereavement team I decided to start William’s Embrace, a charity that will support families experiencing baby loss by providing hand and foot casts for free using the funds we had raised. I have since completed training on how to complete the casting process from start to finish, how to fix any issues that may arise and what factors to take into consideration when completing memorial casts. Our aims at William’s Embrace is to provide these amazing memorial casts to every family experiencing baby loss.